Week 14 in Review

Game #3: Denver 12, Baltimore 10
In a classic Rocky Mountain shootout, these two offensive juggernauts lit up the Colorado sky in a late afternoon game on Sunday. Being an NFL ticket subscriber, I watched just about as many minutes of this game as Phil Simms had incompletions in the Super Bowl against the Broncos (which in reality was 3, but I like to remember it as 0).

This game was exactly what the NBA is now. A bunch of convicts (see Jamal Lewis), white guys with the ugliest hair ever (see Jake Plummer), coaches who think they mean way more than they do (See Brian and Mike), and guys acting like its WWIII at a sporting event. To top it all off, the offense in this game was about as good as the NBA offense. Instead of traveling every play, Denver continues to get away with holding every play.

Game #2: Miami 23, San Diego 21
When did the AFC get together and decide that each team that played the Dolphins was not allowed to guard Chris Chambers? Was it the same time that they ruled that no one will ever be able figure what the Chargers are going to do each week? Thanks for the $20 down the drain, Brees, minus 7 my rear end.

It was similar to when I was a kid, we had this kid named AJ. He was faster than Walt Flannigan’s dog. I on the other hand was about as fast as the Adobe car from SNL. Bills and Chargers DB’s are me in this scenario and Chambers is AJ. WHAT IN THE HOLY HECK IS GOING ON?

I’m not kidding, it’s like Bo Jackson in the original Tecmo Bowl. No one within 80 yards of him, except the white guy with no number that high fives him after the score.

Needless to say the Chargers blew this game and probably their playoff chances with this loss. Well, maybe the first two games when Marty gave LT the ball 7 times combined had something to do with it. I loved the Schottenheimer theory earlier in the year: Let’s see, Gates is out, lets really force feed the ball to Eric Parker and Reche Caldwell.

Game #1: New England 35, Buffalo 7
Did you guys hear that Teddy Bruschii is back? I only heard it 26 times in this game as it was a CBS Sunday game, instead of ESPN/ABC where I’d have gotten the information 173 times per quarter.

Seriously, what is Willis talking about?

If I have to hear one more time that the Patriots are quietly winning these games and going to be a factor in the playoffs, I am going to puke. First of all, by every single NFL guy from Berman to JB to Nantz to Gumbel to Chuck Freebee mentioning that they are quietly “sneaking up on everyone,” it makes it physically impossible to sneak. Its like when I was 14 and tried to eat chips (I was a husky boy) while talking to my junior high girlfriend of 7 hours, I couldn’t hide the noise, the crunch was just too loud.

The Patriots are for real, everyone knows it. Tom Brady is good. Bruschii is a hero to all us who have suffered a stroke. Corey Dillon is overpaid. David Givens is underrated. Nothing is new for the Patriots, except they are so quiet.

Final note: How great would it be if the Pats beat INDY at INDY in the AFC Championship?