NFC Week 11 Preview Brought To You By Keep It Real Malt Beverage

Tampa Bay -3 vs Atlanta

Despite losing me a huge survivor pool pick a few weeks back with that atrocious loss to the Jags, the Buccaneers take that cannon banging pirate ship on the road and contain Michael Vick errr Joey Harrington errr Byron Leftwich. Bucs 28 Falcons 10.

Dallas -11 ½ vs Washington

As much as it pains me to say it, the Cowboys are pretty darn good, and that durn band ain’t gonna be playing any time soon for the ‘Skins. Cowboys are gonna be up big in this one, I mean Patriots big. They will run up the score because Wade Phillips has no idea how to count and he giggles when he sees Romo wear that cheesy grin. On a side note, screw Jason Witten, seriously, screw him. I got your Rocky Top right here. Try and keep your helmet on this week. Boys 41 Skins 7

Carolina +10 ½ vs Green Bay

No way the Packers lose this one, right? Wrong. I’ll take the Panthers without the points. Take ‘em on the money line. Steve Smith hasn’t done jack squat for 7 weeks. This week they try him at quarterback and run the option with Foster and DeAngelo. Vinny and Carr line up at the WR spots and Smith refuses to throw them the ball anywhere near them for a change. Either way, the Panthers get the win, and Brett Favre gives us a glimpse of last year (but only for a week). Panthers 21 Pack 20

NY Giants -3 vs Detroit

Ah, the week I was dreading ever since draft day. My fantasy heart (Kitna and his disciples) versus my reality heart (them lovable G-men). I may even start Matt Schaub and Jeff Garcia in two leagues, just to show that I live in the now, not in some fantasy world like mon frere, the Iron Sheik. Brandon Jacobs goes off this week and they actually give him the goal line carries. Plaxico bounces back, Shockey gets a personal foul, and Strahan brings back the “we ballin’” celebration. Eli even cuts it down to 7 delay of game penalties and 3 turnovers. Giants 31 Lions 21

Chicago +5 ½ vs Seattle

I don’t know. Maurice Morris versus Cedric Benson. This should have been the London game because it can’t be better than the Giants/Dolphins game. The Bears defense will do something crazy, Paris Hilton will raise that stupid 12th man flag, and Mike Holmgren will shave his mustache for the game in protest of No Shave November. Bears 5 Seahawks 3.

Week 11 AFC Preview - Brought to you by Bud Select

KC @ Indy - I expect Manning to rebound this week, assuming they can find 11 healthy offensive players to take the field. Look for the signings of Willie Gault, Art Monk, and the like late in the week. Colts, 24-12.

Cleveland @ Baltimore - I would rather watch my parents make out than the Ravens Offense. That is to say, not at all. Cleveland, 17-3.

New England @ Buffalo - I will take whoever is playing the Patriots the rest of the year. So when they do lose, I will be the super genius. And because I hate them with the fire of a thousand firey hells. Buffalo, 86-85.

Tennessee @ Denver - Going out on a limb and predicting this Monday nite affair never happens. 3 hours prior to game time the stadium will mysteriously burn down. Tuesday's investigation will find that the monster bong that was built by Travis Henry and Pacman Jones in the basement got out of control.

Back from the dead

"Sheik," I hear you say, "Where in the name of Brady Quinn's jockstrap have you been?" To this very fair question I can only say this...what in the world would I have written about in the time since you last read?

Events that have unfolded:

-The Bears lost in the Super Bowl. Man, I promised myself I would never speak of that.

-The Irish were embarrased in a BCS Bowl, and apparently their punishment for losing was they had to henceforth banish any and all legitimate football players from the program, and replace them with cross-eyed midgets. Hence, what we are witnessing this season.

-The Bears bring back the exact same offense that lost them the Super Bowl. The....exact.....same......offense.

-I still hate the NBA.

-Florida repeats at the Final Four. Oh, please....hold - one sec.......ok. I just threw up in my trash can.

The defense rests.