You playing the foosball behind my back
I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank the powers that be at the NFL for moving the majority of the games to Saturday this week.
I'm not sure I'd have been in the Christmas spirit if I had to race back to the Internet after each bite of my mother-in-law's ham (my grandfather-in-law doesn't eat birds...dont ask).
How sick is it when you have to decide between TWO of the following: Bettis, Greg Jones, Artose Pinner, Zack Crockett, and Koren Robinson????
Did you guys watch the Giants game last week? Refer to my previous post. Give the ball to Tiki!
Lastly, I have to open this up for discussion: Is not Oasis the greatest British rock band since the Beatles?
Week 15 NFL Not-so-Marquise Match Ups – Brought to you by Schmidt’s Gay
#3 – Cleveland at Oakland. First of all, what is the deal with the QB Battle in Oakland? Turner is going to keep switching starters – for what? To see which one of these guys can record the most meaningless wins possible? Give me a break man. Just get somebody to go in there and kneel on it at this point, be it Collins or Tuiasapoopoo and quit subjecting us to the pain. Whoever starts, they obviously aren’t going to throw it to Moss anyways, because of the league wide conspiracy to keep me out of the fantasy playoffs. Mission accomplished boys – go on with your business.
I like Cleveland in this one, 8-4.
#2 – Green Bay at Baltimore. This one is on prime time too folks, so Al and John can try to make some weak attempt at making this game appear to mean something. This is one of those games that you actually hope that they break in midway through the 3rd quarter with something like a white Bronco in a police chase on the interstate.
Something else to look forward to – 85% of all conversation hovering around whether or not Brett Favre will come back next year. I have also heard a rumor that they are cutting the Tim McGraw segment of halftime, in favor of airing the uncut, uncensored documentary about the hard time done by 13 of the Raven’s starters over the past 5 years.
Take Favre and the Packers – because you know that Brett Favre is a warrior and will never give up and will play every game to the bone and is a nothing but a gun slinger and is a natural born winner and is a leader of men and is the consummate professional and he will never be equaled…14-6.
And the unquestioned toilet bowl of the week….
#1 – Arizona at Houston. You want to talk about a sad state of affairs, then look no further. No one has been more over-hyped than this year’s Arizona Cardinals, as all I heard in the preseason was that Arizona was poised to take the NFC West and do some damage in the playoffs. Wow. You know when you are playing Super Tecmo Bowl and the guy you are playing picks the exact play you picked – how it is like someone unleashed the flood gates of hell and you lose 27 yards as soon as you snap the ball? That is pretty much what happens every time Arizona calls a running play. Another ironic thing about Super Tecmo; guess what team you would never ever choose when you play that game…Arizona – which was actually Phoenix at the time. And that was like 18 years ago, and nothing has changed.
Now the topper. We have franchises that are this inept – and we still feel the need for expansion. Cue the Texans fight song please. Screw up upon screw up, this has been a nightmare from the start. You can’t debate whether or not it is David Carr’s fault because we have never seen the guy go more than 3 consecutive snaps without getting his face mask busted in half. Hard to pick up your pride when you are too busy picking up your teeth.
The unfortunate part is that someone will be dubbed a “winner” after this one. 89 pass attempts and 17 DCarr sacks later, I like Arizona, 21-5.
Week 14 in Review
Game #3: Denver 12, Baltimore 10
In a classic Rocky Mountain shootout, these two offensive juggernauts lit up the Colorado sky in a late afternoon game on Sunday. Being an NFL ticket subscriber, I watched just about as many minutes of this game as Phil Simms had incompletions in the Super Bowl against the Broncos (which in reality was 3, but I like to remember it as 0).
This game was exactly what the NBA is now. A bunch of convicts (see Jamal Lewis), white guys with the ugliest hair ever (see Jake Plummer), coaches who think they mean way more than they do (See Brian and Mike), and guys acting like its WWIII at a sporting event. To top it all off, the offense in this game was about as good as the NBA offense. Instead of traveling every play, Denver continues to get away with holding every play.
Game #2: Miami 23, San Diego 21
When did the AFC get together and decide that each team that played the Dolphins was not allowed to guard Chris Chambers? Was it the same time that they ruled that no one will ever be able figure what the Chargers are going to do each week? Thanks for the $20 down the drain, Brees, minus 7 my rear end.
It was similar to when I was a kid, we had this kid named AJ. He was faster than Walt Flannigan’s dog. I on the other hand was about as fast as the Adobe car from SNL. Bills and Chargers DB’s are me in this scenario and Chambers is AJ. WHAT IN THE HOLY HECK IS GOING ON?
I’m not kidding, it’s like Bo Jackson in the original Tecmo Bowl. No one within 80 yards of him, except the white guy with no number that high fives him after the score.
Needless to say the Chargers blew this game and probably their playoff chances with this loss. Well, maybe the first two games when Marty gave LT the ball 7 times combined had something to do with it. I loved the Schottenheimer theory earlier in the year: Let’s see, Gates is out, lets really force feed the ball to Eric Parker and Reche Caldwell.
Game #1: New England 35, Buffalo 7
Did you guys hear that Teddy Bruschii is back? I only heard it 26 times in this game as it was a CBS Sunday game, instead of ESPN/ABC where I’d have gotten the information 173 times per quarter.
Seriously, what is Willis talking about?
If I have to hear one more time that the Patriots are quietly winning these games and going to be a factor in the playoffs, I am going to puke. First of all, by every single NFL guy from Berman to JB to Nantz to Gumbel to Chuck Freebee mentioning that they are quietly “sneaking up on everyone,” it makes it physically impossible to sneak. Its like when I was 14 and tried to eat chips (I was a husky boy) while talking to my junior high girlfriend of 7 hours, I couldn’t hide the noise, the crunch was just too loud.
The Patriots are for real, everyone knows it. Tom Brady is good. Bruschii is a hero to all us who have suffered a stroke. Corey Dillon is overpaid. David Givens is underrated. Nothing is new for the Patriots, except they are so quiet.
Final note: How great would it be if the Pats beat INDY at INDY in the AFC Championship?
Why I Hate Eli Manning Playing For My Giants
First of all, let me state that there are few teams in any sports that I live and die with. The NY Football Giants are one of those teams. Since I was 6, there has hardly been a Sunday afternoon where the Giants lost that I didn’t go to bed in a bad mood.
However, for the last two years, I have never had one such afternoon that didn’t leave me feeling disgusted regardless of a Giants win (of which there has been 15 over the last two years so far) or loss. I spend my Sundays throwing things at the television (which is broadcasting the NFL Ticket—God bless DirectTV this Holiday season), alienating my wife, and scaring the pee out of my dog as I watch every single Giants game.
THE REASON: ELI MANNING
First of all, let me say I was against this whole drafting Eli thing from the start, so I was perhaps entering this whole thing with the glass of beer is half empty kind of attitude. I hate the fact that these college QB’s pull this “I don’t want to go here or there” BS. I hated John Elway for the longest time and was overcome with glee when the Giants spanked his little behind in the 1986-87 Super Bowl.
The Giants QB before the drafting of Eli was Kerry Collins. Much maligned, but still a veteran that could sling the ball down the field. They pretty much passed on a chance to get Larry Fitzgerald (I know Arizona drafted him 3rd, but you don’t think they’d have traded down?).
Say what you want about Kerry Collins, but this could be the Giants lineup right now: Collins, Tiki, Burress, Fitzgerald, Shockey—Toomer as the 3rd WR.
--All that in a passing system that promotes a downfield passer. Collins’
biggest strength is his downfield passing.
You really think the Giants would be a question mark right now with that team?
People tell me I should be patient. SCREW THAT! Tiki and Strahan aren’t getting any younger and deserve another Super Bowl shot. Look at what’s happened since Tiki started getting the touches everyone else gets. Led the league in yards last year, 2nd this year. With a back like that and the receiving weapons, you shouldn’t be 10-10 over your last 20 games.
Here’s a quote from ESPN writer, Gary Horton
“Although many already have anointed him as the savior of the franchise, he has played miserably the last two weeks, tossing only one touchdown pass compared with five interceptions. He has done everything but give games away.”
TWO WEEKS????????????? (He was also on the ESPN Magazine cover this week, the only issue in the last 6 months that I wont even open.)
He has played like dog doo doo since the very beginning. His rating over two years is 69.8. Although he has drastically improved that rating to 75.9 this season. How bad is that? Think about how much crap Jake Plummer has taken over the past two or three years in Denver (until this year), his lowest rating is 85. Eli has also averaged 2.4 INT’s per game since entering the league.
He as won 2 road games in his career (San Francisco and Philadelphia last week). Good grief, USC could beat both of those teams. 3 INT’s against Philly in the 4th quarter/overtime. Seattle only beat them 42-0 in basically 2 quarters. The Giants have to go overtime to win 26-23. Who’s to blame? The defense? No. The kicker (which has been the popular one)? No, he kicked 4 field goals. Tiki? Absolutely not.
--SIDE NOTE: Why in the name of all that is holy do the Giants put that freaking rookie in on the goaline? Tiki can run for 145 every game, but they don’t trust him to run 1 yard? Its killing my fantasy team. You’re killing your father, Larry.
The person to blame is Eli. Plain and simple. Thanks for letting me rant, guys. Don’t talk to me after the Chiefs come in and smoke the Giants this weekend, I don’t want to hear it. In 2012, they’ll win the Super Bowl and everyone will say what a great move it was to get Eli. I will have switched teams by then if this continues, I promise you that.
